How to Control Anger in a Relationship

Relationships are made or broken by how partners handle anger. Don’t be satisfied with yelling matches and slamming doors. This article provides advice on how to express your rage healthily with your partner. Anger is a healthy and common human emotion that often manifests itself in interpersonal interactions, even when it is not directed at the target of the expression. Regrettably, anger typically surfaces when we interact with the people we care about the most, particularly in romantic relationships. However, being passionate in a relationship shouldn’t lead to the outburst of strong emotions like wrath. The capacity to control your anger and how you react to an irate spouse is crucial for fostering connection and maturity in any romantic partnership. At in Westchester, NY, patients often ask whether their anger interferes with their desire to be a partner. We react to our anger by shutting down, venting to friends, or controlling our partner. While these techniques may provide short-term relief, they are rarely long-term solutions. Let’s look at three straightforward methods for controlling your rage and developing maturity in your relationship.

Resist the Urge to Cut Off

People may occasionally slam a door and treat their significant other rudely when bickering. Keeping silent will probably make your partner more anxious or angry while temporarily calming you down. This does not mean you must sit down and work out a problem right now. Consider telling your partner that you need some time to collect your thoughts rather than quickly rushing out of the driveway or walking away. Inform them that you value their cooperation and will think carefully about how long to wait before responding to them. You undoubtedly felt some fear not knowing what would happen if your partner often gave you the silent treatment. This may happen after you forgot an anniversary or skipped dinner with their parents. You can let them know that you’re willing to collaborate and share your ideas when they’re ready. However, you can’t force them to talk to you. It will probably backfire and make them cut off even more if you try to pressure or frighten them into a hasty reconciliation.

Manage Yourself Rather Than Your Partner

When someone we care about is upset with us, we frequently feel compelled to calm them down as soon as we can. But in the end, we manage our own ideas, behaviors, and emotions. People who can maintain their concentration on controlling their own emotions and reactions allow the other person in the room to do the same. Being calm is far more beneficial than soothing another person. So instead of saying, “Please calm down!” try taking a few deep breaths and slowing down your own heart rate. Similar to this, trying to control your partner when you’re upset with them and want them to alter a behavior is probably going to backfire. Instead of putting the other person down, the objective is to express your ideas in the hopes they will be heard.

Look Beyond the Problems

As people, there are some issues that elicit an irate or fearful response that may result in confrontation. Topics including money, politics, religion, sex, parenting, or family dysfunction are frequently included. It’s simple to believe that having different beliefs will lead to hostility and conflict; however, these emotions are more often the result of our childish responses to these issues than the result of our actual opinions. Therefore, return your attention to replying as maturely as you can, rather than getting caught up in ending the dispute as soon as possible. This does not imply that you must tolerate a spouse’s verbal or physical abuse or stay married.


When controlling anger in a relationship, it is imperative to remember that communication is key. It is important to express yourself to your partner in a calm and collected manner, and listen to their perspective. It is also imperative to remember that anger is a normal emotion and that there are ways to express it without damaging the relationship. Lastly, it is critical to find ways to work through disagreements and make sure that you are both communicating your feelings respectfully. By following these tips and talking to each other, couples can learn to control anger in their relationship. This will create a healthy environment for both partners.